the writing on the wall (and not, notably, on my computer screen, alas)

Ok, so I’m really, really ready for this angst to be over.  I feel like I’m trapped in my own special John Hughes film, albeit one where I don’t end up with a new makeover/attitude adjustment/boyfriend (in fact, I’m pretty sure Apparent Dip is happy about the latter).

There are certain elements of my studies/interests that have been haunting me for years and I have long refused to admit that I should, perhaps, specialize in a certain field (which I’m not going to mention outright because I don’t want to out myself too much–I am, after all, at least trying to be pseudonymous here).  I have been fighting this field from the moment I stepped into a graduate seminar, lo those many years ago.  My refusal to read the writing on the wall, alas, has more often then not led to me feeling stymied in my research.  More specifically, it has led to no writing at all anywhere else.  As in, I can’t get up enough interest in papers to finish them.  But, but, but, I insist, you don’t really want to work in this field do you?  I mean, think of all the things you’ll miss!

And yet…

I keep finding myself drawn to other people’s work on this field.

And yet…

I compulsively read about this field in my spare time.

And yet…

I design courses to teach in this field.  Courses which I have a blast teaching.  Courses that I continue to think about even when I’ve moved on.

Perhaps, and this is only a suggestion, but perhaps I should stop being a FLAMING IDIOT and just accept the writing on the wall.  Enough with the angsty crap!

I leave you with another kitty picture (because I am apparently only good at taking pictures of cats and flowers):

Meshuggenah again. The other 3 cats are not nearly as interested in being photographed.

things i’ve (re)learned today

Because I’m in the midst of writing several papers, my brain can only handle bullets today.

• Coffee is supposed to go into your mouth…as opposed to down the front of your shirt.  Apparently, I confused the two today.
• Laptops = cat beds, but only when you actively need to be typing.
• Cats are very good at emotional blackmail.
• Despite the fact that I have a relatively large desk, I prefer to work from the couch, with my laptop propped on the coffee table and a fortress of books/papers surrounding me.  That’s right, I have once again taken over the living room…poor Apparent Dip.
• My life is really boring in the summers.  I read.  I pretend to write.  I read some more.  I watch a lot of brainless television.  I actively avoid writing.  Repeat ad nauseam.
• I really love my camera.

To distract you from the boring-ness of this post, here are some more cat pictures!  And a pretty flower!

Meshuggenah spends most of her day sleeping or modeling...

A rare sighting of Edna Furber...who tends to stay under the bed.

after a rainstorm