I Can Do That! Or, Jobs I Might Have Had

So, seeing as how I have a bit of time on my hands due to the snowfall outside (actually, we made it into work, but we may head home early seeing as how we already have at least 12″ and are expecting more along with high winds….exciting!) I’ve been thinking about all of the jobs I might have had. So here goes….

1. Wife of a millionaire. I actually made it through an intensive interview process of 8 years and was qualified for the job, but then my husband (then-boyfriend) decided that he just HAD to become a thermochronologist instead of a millionaire. For those of you wondering what a thermochronologist IS, check out his blog. Needless to say, whether or not thermochronologists are like the Navy SEALs of the geology world (his words, not mine), they are most definitely NOT millionaires. Damn.

2. Roof-top shoveler. Due to the snow fall around here (read 5 feet just north of us–5 FEET! crikey), roofers often work through the winter months shoveling snow off of people’s rooftops. I thought this would be a great job until I remembered that I’m deathly afraid of heights (tend to get vertigo actually), so that might not be a wise choice. Although, falling off a roof into a pile of snow sure beats the hell out of falling off the roof in the middle of summer onto the hard ground.

3. Snow-plow driver. (note the winter trend?) I was talking the other day to one of my professors and somehow we got onto the subject of snow plow drivers, and what a cool job that would be (for those of you wondering how the hell I go in to talk to an English professor about a paper assignment and end up talking about snow plows, read this entry). Anyhoo, there’s a part of me that would love to be a snow plow driver. Think about it….I could be the person who drives down the street JUST AFTER you spent an hour shoveling your driveway, leaving you with a huge pile of snow at the end of your once-snow-free driveway that you have to shovel again in order to get out (that’s the Queen Mother’s favorite). Although, my propensity toward road rage might disqualify me, as I might see it as an excuse to use the plow to move other irritating drivers aside….hmmmm.

4. Actor in those commercials that try to sell seen-only-on-tv products (that are actually available in stores like Bed Bath & Beyond–false advertising anyone?). You know which ones I’m talking about: the commercials for the handheld digital recorder thingy to remind you where you parked your car, or my favorite, the pasta canister thingy, where you basically soak the bajeezus out of your pasta to avoid a sink piled high with pots and pans and strings of spaghetti (Note: who the hell uses twelve pots to make spaghetti? Were they feeding an entire country’s worth of people? How hard is it to cook and strain spaghetti?). I think I would be particularly qualified for the egg spatula thingy as I am a natural when it comes to destroying eggs in the attempt to flip them over. P.S.: One of my favorite things to do is to make up back-stories for all of the people in the commercials. Many of the same actors appear in different ads, so I have a fun time making up stories about illicit relationships (one man appears in three different ads in connection to three different women, tsk, tsk) and such.

5. Professional procrastinator. I doubt that the art of procrastination will ever be an accepted profession (no one would ever get around to making it one) but if it ever comes into being, I can guarantee you that I will be last in line to apply! I’ll explain more about this later….

All of this is to say, that I am now entering my third decade of life with ABSOLUTELY NO LIFE PLAN. Well, that’s not exactly true. I have many plans, I just have to choose one. Getting a job sounds promising (income anyone?) and my goal to get a ph.d. is becoming less attractive every day (at least for the moment). Don’t get me wrong, I love being in school, but I get tired of having to prove myself over and over again (not that that doesn’t happen in the real world, but there is a certain degree of demoralization that academia excels at–I’m tired of being treated as an irresponsible teenager when I am, in fact, and irresponsible adult).

Perhaps Library school is the way to go…a job surrounded by books (but without the monetary issues that come up in places like bookstores), an income, and time to pursue my fun reading, research, and other hobbies. Or perhaps I will chuck it all and become a one-woman, professional “Murder She Wrote” fan club! Now THAT seems like a lucrative option…..

4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by David on February 14, 2007 at 2:31 pm

    Ahaha, I love the Lil’ Reminder. That commercial should receive some sort of commercial award. I haven’t seen that kind of acting since, well my entire life. I tivo that thing just to re-watch it when I’m feeling sad.


  2. Posted by Loose Baggy Monster on February 14, 2007 at 2:39 pm

    I know what you mean! Although, my other favorite is the one for the headphones that allow you to listen in on conversations and stuff, that one’s pretty classic too.


  3. Posted by Queen Mother on February 14, 2007 at 9:40 pm

    The Queen Mother actually enjoys the person who is the host on the infomercials and is constantly amazed at the ability of a pasta maker to make pasta. I mean how many times can you act surpised and amazed that the darn thing works.


  4. Posted by Loose Baggy Monster on February 14, 2007 at 9:43 pm

    I agree about pasta “makers,” but I’m talking about the pasta cooker thingy, which is basically a canister that you put dried pasta in and then essentially let soak until it’s done. I’m all for the home-made pasta, even if the dog eats it first.


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